I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
