Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
