lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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