When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
