I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
