I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
