she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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