I need help removing her.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize