My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize