end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
