weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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