New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
