Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
