I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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