I didn't shave. On purpose
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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