I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
