The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
