I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
