Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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