Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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