I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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