Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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