I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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