There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
