exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
