so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
