I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
