How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
