I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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