Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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