How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
