we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
