The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
