why didn't you poke me back
It was confusing and full of hummus
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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