Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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