If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
