You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
