Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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