Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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