I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
