i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
