so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
