my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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