people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
