It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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