I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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