ugly people sure do ruin things
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize