Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
