In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
