your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
