Acid is not a monday night drug
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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