found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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