I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
