He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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