Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
