Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How does one acquire holy water?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
