hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
