Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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