and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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