Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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