What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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