she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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