Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
