After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
