she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
